Fueling Faith
Welcome to the Fueling Faith Family, where we encourage, inspire, and motivate people to grow closer to Christ through personal stories and testimonies.
Fueling Faith
From Mormon Roots to Christian Transformation: Matt Crowther's Inspiring Faith Journey
Matt shares his powerful journey from a strict Mormon upbringing to a transformative relationship with Christ, marked by personal struggles, suicidal thoughts, and divine encounters. His story emphasizes the importance of faith, love, and healing as he encourages others to seek their relationship with God amidst their challenges.
• Growing up in a devout Mormon family with deep-rooted principles
• Experience during a missionary journey in Ukraine and wrestling with faith
• Transition from a successful career in solar to facing mental health crises
• Pivotal moment of spiritual warfare leading to a life-altering encounter
• Commitment to creating music and retreat spaces for faith and healing
• Message of hope, healing, and the importance of seeking God in our lives
Welcome to the Feeling Faith Podcast. I'm here with my guest, matt Crowther. Matt, super blessed to have you in today. I'm excited to hear your story and testimony. We met a few months back, actually, at the Aspire Tour event. Yeah, there were some really good speakers. Dan Fleshman and Andrew Corgo and his team uh put together an awesome. I think what magic johnson was there, yeah, yeah, and uh, tim grover tim grover that's actually where we met.
Speaker 1:We were both talking to tim grover, right there, right and then we, we linked up um, and you'd kind of just approach me like, hey, bro, I feel like we're supposed to talk right it's like really spirit led and so we got to talk in and you ended up actually being from temecula. This event was down in la, yeah and um.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the lord, just kind of put it on your heart to uh, to talk to you, to talk, yeah, yeah, well, and and there was some other similarities that I didn't even know that just kind of have come up over the past couple months of getting to know each other. And then you know, with this podcast that you're running it's right up the alley of everything that I'm doing right now, and so I feel like it was all kind of a divine encounter that happened exactly when it needed to happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, absolutely Super cool. Well, we're blessed to have you here, excited to hear your story. The Feeling Faith podcast is all about personal testimonies for Christ right, and so we want to hear your story. Let's go all the way back to the beginning. Where'd you grow up? What was life like? Did you have siblings? Did you have mom and dad in the house? Let's start all the way at the beginning. I love that.
Speaker 2:So you know, I grew up in Colorado, born and raised from Colorado Springs, and I have a great family, two amazing parents, and I actually have four brothers and sisters, so I'm the middle child, I'm the third of five kids, so I have two older sisters and two younger brothers. All right.
Speaker 2:And yeah, so I was raised in a Mormon home and my parents were very, very devout and taught me a lot about faith, taught me a lot about commitment, and I really had a lot of pretty amazing experiences as a kid. You know, one of the things that was so interesting was, you know, my parents were very, very supportive of our talents, our gifts, our passions. And so me, from a young age, I started to play music, you know, started playing piano, I think, probably when I was seven or eight, before I was 10 years old, started playing the piano and then got into the guitar when I was 12. And the guitar kind of became my life, to be honest.
Speaker 1:So your parents anointed those hands. They did. They did.
Speaker 2:And with music it really was my outlet. So in high school I played some sports. I played a little bit of basketball, did some wrestling. I was also on the diving team and would do those crazy triple front flips and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Okay, You're going to have to teach me how to do some of those, bro. Oh, I haven't done them forever, but yeah, wait so real quick. Did you grow up in the church, in the?
Speaker 2:Mormon church. I grew up in the Mormon church and then I went on a Mormon mission when I was 19, which I can for sure share about.
Speaker 1:So all this time it was in Colorado.
Speaker 2:All that time was in colorado.
Speaker 1:Yep and uh you know your influence, your sphere, your friend, all your friends, like everybody essentially came through yeah, well, yes and no.
Speaker 2:So, um, you know, I went to a high school in colorado that only had a handful of mormon people. Uh, it was primarily christian and so I I grew up with a handful of Mormon people. It was primarily Christian and so I grew up with a lot of conversations with very devout Christians and was always very open-minded. You know, I actually went to a number of different churches when I was in high school just to kind of test it out. I wouldn't say regularly, but like I would stop by one or two different churches in, you know, two, three months span, just to kind of see what that was about. And I felt called to serve a mission, which I did, and so I did my two year mission. Actually it was in Ukraine, so it was a pretty interesting place to live for two years At least.
Speaker 1:it was back in that time and not right now.
Speaker 2:Well, well, yeah but I actually saw a lot of the uh, the strife and the conflict.
Speaker 1:Um, I lived, so how old were you at that time?
Speaker 2:19, 19.
Speaker 2:Okay, so that was graduated high school 2007, 2009, I was in ukraine and, um, basically, yeah, I lived in the russian-speaking part of ukraine that is now, like under russian rule, it's called the donbass, uh, in in, you know, donetsk and hov, mariupol, a bunch of those cities on the very eastern border of Ukraine and Russia, like right next to Russia. So I learned Russian, still fluent in Russian, and I've just kept that up over the years and you know, my kids are actually named after Russian names, asya and Mila, just because it's a very, it was a very big influence in my life and so, yeah, when I was there, I had a lot of pretty wild experiences. You know preaching and how did they accept?
Speaker 1:the Mormon faith over there. How did they accept the Mormon faith over there?
Speaker 2:Not a lot. You know generally. You know Russians or Ukrainians. You know where I was. It was very predominantly Russian, and so that's partly why this whole war that has happened Pretty much the Donbass like, went to Russia, because they're just a little bit more aligned with a lot of those. You know, I would say, social backgrounds, but you know they're mainly what's called Pravoslavny, which is Russian Orthodox, and over there, you know they didn't really accept Christianity or Mormonism. You know what we were talking about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what was their main religion over there?
Speaker 2:Russian Orthodox, russian Orthodox, but a lot of people that are Russian Orthodox would probably be more agnostic or even atheist or just kind of you know, going through the motions but not really so there wasn't a big influence of Mormonism over there at all.
Speaker 1:No, hardly at all you guys were really Really the few Coming, yeah, and you went with just one other person.
Speaker 2:A handful of other people, it's kind of structured like you, structured like you've got. In one mission you've probably got 100 or 150 missionaries, maybe even more, maybe like 200. But then you're paired off in groups of two. Were you riding?
Speaker 1:bikes and wearing white.
Speaker 2:I did wear like a white shirt with a name tag yes.
Speaker 2:And sometimes on a bike, but usually we actually mostly got around through, like the you know, buses and subways and stuff like that. But yeah, no, it was a very interesting time. I think back to it all the time because my time in Ukraine really opened up my mind to the rest of the world and it created this love of travel. So, you know, after I got back, I ended up going on this massive trip to Europe and traveled through 18 countries in Europe in about three, four months. You got the travel bug.
Speaker 2:I got the travel bug when I lived out there, and so then I got into sales because I figured out that I was decent at it and also that I could make good money Going door to door Right.
Speaker 1:I had already learned how to do it. Oh yeah, for sure, You're a pro at that point.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's why there's like a lot of people that are Mormon that go into door-to-door sales because we have all this training when we're on a mission for two years, right, and so out there, it was one of those things that, like it, became a very big you know, I would say part of my life that that time that I was in ukraine and I even went to college, uh, studying russian, you know, was getting a minor in russian and was studying music actually, and uh, and then, you know, finished a couple years of school and decided to go straight into sales professionally. And uh, and what year was that? That was was in 2010, 2010. Okay, yeah, so 2010,. I got into sales and then, uh, did Cutco I actually sold Cutco knives and everyone knows about Cutco.
Speaker 2:And I learned a lot. I learned a lot in my um experience selling Cutco knives and you know, became uh a good sales rep through that and then found solar in Colorado and have been doing solar for 11 years now at a top 1% level.
Speaker 1:So when you left Ukraine you came back to Colorado to kind of your home base Yep Family friends. Yeah, I moved to Denver.
Speaker 2:So I lived, you know, an hour hour and a half away from where my, where I grew up, in Colorado Springs. But but yeah, no I, I got into solar and that kind of happened just at the right time. I then ended up, ended up moving all over the country selling solar and lived in five states selling solar over the next, like you know, seven, seven years before I settled in California, which now I've been here for almost seven years.
Speaker 1:So what brought you from California over or from Colorado over to California?
Speaker 2:Oh well, that was a whole journey. You know, I moved, took a job in New York and sold solar in New York for over three years and did really well in New York. I actually love New York. I lived on Long Island. A part of me has a really fond memory of living on the East Coast Right memory of living on the east coast right. But then I always kind of felt a little bit more aligned with the west coast. And so then I, you know, moved to texas, sold solar there, then arizona and then california, and I was going to move to hawaii to keep selling solar. But, um, the hawaii thing didn't end up working out that. That was seven years ago, right?
Speaker 1:uh, how did your parents feel? Like what was your family thinking? You're moving all around the country like you're still doing door-to-door. You've now been yeah doing this for a long time. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:I think that my family was understanding because they know how adventurous I am. You, you know I was always like a bit of an adrenaline junkie. You know I would jump off cliffs in, you know, Lake Powell and like do these wild 50, 80 foot cliffs with my brothers, and so I've always been a bit of a adrenaline junkie. And you know my moving around. You know I've actually spent a lot of money unpacking all this for why I lived the way that I did, which was pretty chaotic. Actually, you know moves pretty generally different companies, just changing things up.
Speaker 2:I I had this, this massive need for variety, and, um, I think that it was maybe just this idea of you know, the grass is greener on the other side. And now I live by a, um, you know a concept or or, I guess, a theme, that the grass is greener where you water it. And really I've been working on, instead of trying to look for variety in different places or in different opportunities or whatever, to really water the grass where I'm at and nurture the parts of my life that are important, and so that's been a big life shift over the past several years was switching from, you know, moving and changing companies pretty often which was like every year or every, you know, two years to really like planning my feet and and and really focusing on how can? How can I water the grass where I'm at?
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that's great and it's. It's important too, especially for, you know, people that don't have that stability on a consistent basis, um, to be moving on a on a regular and not really have the relationships and, you know, being able to get yourself rooted in a community and around people oh yeah, no, no, it was a little crazy and you know, I've got two kids with my ex wife and that was.
Speaker 2:That was definitely a long story, but so what?
Speaker 1:what year did you?
Speaker 2:that was when you came to California, or you were that was a couple of years after I came to California Okay, so you're in California, met her, and then, well, we met in Colorado, so yeah, we were married for eight years and had two beautiful kids together, and we still have a great relationship and a great co-parenting relationship to this day that's good. I think that with I guess I could back up a little bit. So I'm selling solar in California doing really well, made good money that year. This was 2018. 2019, I was kind of on a journey of self-discovery and you have kids at this time?
Speaker 1:yeah okay, yeah, two kids. How old were they?
Speaker 2:um four and and a brand new newborn.
Speaker 1:A newborn, so yeah, 2019 four-year-old, you got a newborn, okay, and that's where I'm at right now, actually, so oh awesome got a four-year-old and well, she's one years now um 2019. Four-year-old one one-year-old. You're married, just moved to california a couple years ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah at this 2017 moved to california okay and had done really well for two years and um was leading a team and just life was good, yeah, but I was feeling like something was missing to be honest and if I'm being completely honest, at that time I was living a little bit of a double life as well.
Speaker 2:Well, and I worked through that with therapists and with some life coaches, coaches and, and I think it it it stems back to that need for variety that I had. That, you know, created a lot of um, a lot of things that weren't aligned with with living a Christian life. And you know, I I'm open about it because it was a big part of my journey. You know, at that part of my journey, yep, you know, at that point I was kind of half in, half out of the Mormon church.
Speaker 1:Were you guys going to church at that time? Yeah, when you had moved here. Okay, yeah, we were going to church.
Speaker 2:And we were. You know, we were living the standards as best as we could, but I just felt like there was something that I was missing. Right, we could, but I just felt like there was something that I was missing. And, you know, I think part of it might've been a little bit of the, you know, the double life that I was living, which was detaching me from my wife at that time. Right, and we ended up having discussions about it, talking through things. We did try to work through things. So when you say double, life.
Speaker 1:What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2:Oh, I just I had, I would say, a bit of an addiction to you know variety in different ways on like a sexual nature. So I had some sexual addictions that started to become a little bit more intense and you know it stemmed from pornography and then kind of led into other things. But you know, and I never actually was, like you know, cheating on my wife with another person, like that, I never crossed that line, yeah, but there were lines that I crossed emotionally in your heart in my heart talks a lot about that.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and the importance of it and pornography is big and it's something majority of men struggle with at some point. Um, I know I I'd struggled with it for many years. I had a lot of friends and family, like um especially. We grew up in a day and in a generation and age where it was just easily accessible oh yeah yeah, um, and even you know I come across pornography in my parents room and stuff like that and like that's just not.
Speaker 1:That's obviously not ideal for you know, young 12, 13, 14 year old boy Like. That's not the best move.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that was me at 12, 13 as well, and you know, in the Mormon church there's a lot of shame around it. That really messed with me and it made it feel even worse, which I think the rebellious side of me wanted even more, because I couldn't have it. Yeah. And because there was such like a barrier and a wall around it, and so it turned into this thing that I just had a lot of other interests that weren't in my marriage.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That I would entertain in certain ways and, like I said, I never crossed a line of actually meeting someone or whatever.
Speaker 2:Certain ways, and, like I said, I never crossed a line of actually meeting someone or whatever, but it was to a point where I just I wasn't whole and something was missing.
Speaker 2:On my healing journey, I have discovered that wholeness through Jesus Christ and you know, uh, it was a full-on journey of years, years and years. Well, you know, um, with talking through things that was back in 2019, 2020, with my wife at that time and then really coming to the conclusion that we, we should separate and and that we would be okay with raising the family, and I always wanted to put the kids first in that situation. So, anyone who's either going through separation or divorce, or especially if you're in the middle of it, just remember that your kids are the most important part of that entire equation and, luckily, me and my ex-wife have done many, many sacrifices for those kids to make it as smooth and as easy as possible, and if you know they ever listened to this, I'm sure they would tell you that. You know, I did my best, my ex-wife did her best and we really didn't have a lot of chaos or drama or anything like that. That's great. We really kept it very calm, specifically for the children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's super important. My parents actually went through a divorce a couple years ago and we're older, we're grown up right, so it didn't affect us as much. But it was not. It wasn't good, it wasn't clean, it was bad, it was a mess actually.
Speaker 2:Well, most are. Yeah, I would say I. I heard a statistic that about 70 percent of divorces are are messy. Yeah, you know, most 30 percent of clean or amicable or calm divorces are the rarity and it's sad because it doesn't have to be that way, like it really doesn't, and it doesn't but people are a lot of pride.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's pride away, ego pride ego hurt guilt.
Speaker 2:People don't know how to deal with pain healthily. Yeah, you know, um, they, they really don't. Most people don't know how to deal with their pain with, especially if there's trauma. Um, they really don't. Most people don't know how to deal with their pain, especially if there's trauma. They really don't know how to work through that. And that's why, like you know so, after I went through that separation, I ended up meeting an amazing woman who is now my wife and we had a pretty chaotic relationship and, you know, had to do a lot of work to work through things which was mainly me healing, and I knew that I wasn't whole at that moment when I went through that separation, but, at the same time, I didn't know what to do about it. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it became this process of Jesus calling me to him and really like showing me his love and his grace through the church that I go to now, which is Calvary, and through a number of little love letters that he sent to me, that he showed me a lot of them through my wife, you know. So what?
Speaker 1:was that original turning point Like? When were you like? You know what? I don't have a relationship with God. I've been. I grew up in the Mormon church. I've been living this life. I went on a mission for two years and committed my time and energy and effort to the Mormon church, went through a divorce right. Like you've been through a lot and a big journey at this point. What was that turning point? Or when did you realize, like I don't even have a relationship with God. I don't truly know God.
Speaker 2:Well, and I don't know if I would say it that way. So this is what I will say about people in the LDS church. They have a very strong faith and they do have a relationship like a personal relationship with God a relationship like a personal relationship with God, but it goes through a lot of chains, I would say, of you know just all of the different guidelines and rules and all of that. I feel like that is, in my opinion, what has been the main differentiator between my Christian faith today and my Mormon faith from five, seven, 10 years ago. And I lived, I think, a good life. I have a lot of friends who are Mormon, that are amazing people that I'm still very close with, and I respect every religion, every religion.
Speaker 2:One of the things that I have really been taught in my walk with Jesus is how much he loved people that were unlovable, amen. How much he taught people that were lost. Yeah, you know like he dined with sinners and prostitutes and at that time it was like literally a sin. You know, coming from the Jewish faith, and you know I watched the Chosen and I love that show and I actually saw it after I was saved, which was a very interesting take on it compared to if I had watched it, you know, a couple years ago, when it had come out. I watched it just recently and it was one of these moments where I just saw Jesus in a different light because of His love for all people.
Speaker 2:And even it's like in that show they have this whole part with, like the Jews and the Gentiles that are both there, and the Pharisees are like, whoa, what's going on? Like there's Jewish people, there's Gentiles here, like there's people from all over, like you know, and they're wanting to basically like write up Jesus and send it to the Sanhedrin and like it's this whole thing, sanhedrin, and like it's this, this whole thing, and it's. And he just has this beautiful love, this abundant love about him, where he's like, hey, I, I'm, I'm bringing something that's new and I'm bringing a higher law, and that law is love. It's love God and love your neighbors, god and love your neighbors. And that is where, for me, in my heart, I have grown and healed was learning how to love myself.
Speaker 2:And so I think that the biggest part of my journey from you know, switching a faith, which was a very, let's say, committed faith, right, like people that are LDS that are practicing, that are going to the temple. It takes a lot of commitment to live that life. It does, and I love that commitment actually, and I wish that more people would live with that type of devout commitment in their life. I agree.
Speaker 2:And so that's why I think Mormons are incredible people. But at this stage of my life, in my walk with Jesus, I learned about his love and his grace at a whole new level. Yeah, a new depth of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and really the biggest difference is the relationship right, and I see it a lot, the Mormon faith. It's very religious. Yes, you're checking boxes.
Speaker 2:Yes, very, very religious, I would say. I'm more spiritual and less religious right. This second.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have a true relationship. You really know the nature of God, you know Jesus.
Speaker 2:I had to figure that out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but through the Mormon church, like you don't get that because of all the works that go into it, there's a lot of distractions and there's a lot of distractions with all of the, the works that you know in the Bible it talks about works versus faith and you know that was like even when I was a missionary and even when I was in high school that was something I always struggled to understand. It's like, okay, how does I guess you need them, but maybe not? Like it was just very confusing for me and now I know that truly what that scripture means is that we are on a journey and our faith is our guide. And Jesus Christ on the cross, when he died for us, he gave us that free gift. And that free gift we can accept that outside of ourself as a sinner, as someone who needs salvation desperately, we can accept his gift of grace and his gift of love because of what he did on the cross for us.
Speaker 1:Yes, amen, that's the truth and I want to talk. I want to really kind of dive deeper into this conversation and this topic of Mormon in comparison with Christianity, because there are, I know, a lot of Mormons that have converted to Christianity. They really found a true, genuine relationship with Jesus. There's a lot of differences really. Number one the Mormons are big on the Book of Mormonon, right, um, almost more so, actually truly more so than even the bible itself. Right, they hold strong and hold true really to the book of mormon more than they do the actual word of god which there's. The bible is very clear on not doing that, right, um. But also the work side of things, um, there's a lot of legalism, right, and kind of the the religious system. Let's talk about that. What, from your perspective?
Speaker 1:you grew up in the church, like you know, obviously way more than I do yeah I have some family and friends that you know are in the mormon church and and of that faith.
Speaker 2:But I want to talk like what do you see the biggest difference between both of those faiths? Yeah, that's a great question and thank you for for framing it that way. You know it's, it's one of those things. It's like religion. There's so many religions out there, right, and I'm fascinated by it. I took some comparative religion classes in college and high school and I was very intrigued just by. You know, there's a billion Muslims out there, right, and there's people that are Catholic and Jewish, and at this point there's hundreds and hundreds of churches, thousands, probably, maybe even tens of thousands of churches in the world, probably. But you know there's thousands of churches.
Speaker 2:And you know the thing that was so interesting, you know, when you're raised in the LDS church, it's very strict, right. Like, even on a Sunday, I couldn't play with friends. I couldn't even, you know and a lot of this I still agree with but you know we couldn't watch TV. The only thing that we could watch was like a church movie or a Disney movie and you know, like a lot of my friends, they would play on Sundays and I was pretty much just at home and was, uh, keeping the Sabbath day, holy right Is um, you know kind of how, how we, how we had it in our family and and I don't disagree with that I just think that, um, the strictness it creates a little bit of tension with how you live your life.
Speaker 2:Because it's so strict and there's so many rules and I don't disagree with pretty much all the rules I think that it is a good way to live your life when it comes to, you know, don't drink alcohol, like you know, no sex before marriage, like, keep yourself clean, you know. All of that stuff I think is very positive. I just think that there's so much more love that is in the Christian church, and when we say Christian church, you know there's hundreds of Christian churches, right. And so when you think about religion as a whole, like as this big, big idea of all these different religions, what I felt was Jesus calling for me and calling me, sometimes even by name, and helping me to understand like I'm here. I just need you to open up your heart to me, and it's not about all the little things, it's about accepting me into your heart and walking with me all of your days.
Speaker 2:And for me that resonated the best. And there might be people that listen to this that are Buddhist or Muslim or Jewish or whatever, and I think that you know, and I heard a phrase which was not from a Christian but it's kind of stuck with me, and it was a quote that Einstein said, and he said all religion is branches of the same tree. No-transcript us to where we're going, to where we're supposed to go. He can kind of help us with avoiding road blocks and avoiding the speed bumps and avoiding the potholes along the journey, because there are plenty, and that road is not straight and that road is not free, you know, free of obstacles, right, and all of us are on this.
Speaker 2:It's a narrow road. It's a narrow road.
Speaker 1:It is, the Bible talks about it, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we are on this path and we are on this journey and it's not going to happen exactly the way that we think it will, because we don't know the future, we don't know the plan, and what I think is that God has a bigger plan that is beyond our comprehension, and he understands how all of it fits together. Like, really, the world is in chaos when you think about all the different religions and countries, and you know governments and all of this stuff, but somehow it still works, and you know it's because God is the one who's in charge of all of it and he understands it. And so, for me, I know, through what I've been through, that God has called me by name and that he has saved me and that day, if you want, we can go into it a little bit. It was a pretty, let's say, intense experience for me.
Speaker 1:I want to pause you before we jump into that, because there's a few points that you referenced that I want to touch on. First off, you talked a lot about the religions. Satan is the great imitator. Oh, yeah, right, and so he has imitated the word and he has created all these false religions. And I'm not the one to judge. I can't say whether this person is going to heaven or this person's not. It doesn't matter what religion or what faith you live by like. The only thing that matters truly is jesus and your relationship with with jesus christ. But what I also know is the bible tells us that judgment is based on your knowledge and your understanding, and so if you had never had the opportunity to learn about God, where does that judgment scale lead right? Where is that weight balance on? I've never heard about Jesus. I don't even know who Jesus is.
Speaker 2:Right, Someone who lives in India and you know, or whatever.
Speaker 1:Never, never heard the gospel, right. And so God, he's a righteous God, right, he's a loving God. Obviously, he created us on purpose, for a purpose, with a purpose, and part of that being he wanted a relationship with us. And that's where you have these religious systems, and you made a great point. There's all these churches and there's really only one church. That's the truth. But there's all these congregations, right, we are the church, the body of Christ is the church. So there's all these congregations, there's thousands of congregations and thousands of different faiths and branches of faith, but at the end of the day, there's only one truth. There's only one God right.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and that's.
Speaker 1:Jesus and he died on the cross for our sins. I just want to bring that up because it's really important for people, especially our viewers, to understand like God died for you, like and he has a plan and a purpose and he wants to have a relationship with you.
Speaker 1:You don't have to check these boxes, you don't have to not not drink alcohol, not do drugs, not have sex before marriage to come to him. If you do all of that stuff, it's okay. He's going to accept you because of love, because of faith, because of grace, and he has grace and his grace is enough. And so it doesn't matter what your sins are, it doesn't matter what your struggles or trials or tribulations that you face, because we're all sinners, we all fall short of the glory of God and Jesus paid the perfect price. Jesus on the cross died for us and covers all of the sins of the world. If you just accept that right, it's a free gift of life and the life is the restoration and your spiritual right To be restored with God, because and people look at hell, I know I'm going on a tangent here- but, I really have to talk about it.
Speaker 1:People look at hell and you know, know, in the Bible it talks about like there'll be fire and brimstone and gnashing of teeth and all this, and so the way that I see hell, it's just eternal separation from God. And what is God? God is love. God is light. Just those two alone, right? That's enough. I could stop right there. God is love and God is light. So if hell is eternal separation from God, that means I'm not going to be within the grace and love of God and I'm not going to be in light, so I'm going to be in outer darkness with no love. That's a scary place to be. That sounds like hell in and of itself, right? So I just wanted to share that because you're right, there are so many different religions out there, but it's important that we understand, like, why the Bible is truth and why Jesus did what he did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know, I'll add.
Speaker 2:The thing that's so interesting is, you know, the way that my mind works is I have a very big picture way of thinking of things, and that's why I go and think about the whole world and all the different religions and how it all kind of works, even though there's so many different.
Speaker 2:You know, moving pieces in that equation, that guess what God he understands and he is in control and he wants that personal relationship with you, which, which is so amazing, Like and and that's, and that's really the uh, the beauty of Christianity is like he died for us so that we could return to him and, um, you know, I think that, without, like, picking apart just all the differences between my previous faith and my faith today, I think that love and respect is so important and it's like you know, my parents are devout, devout LDS, uh, followers, Mormon, uh, and, and I love them for how they raised me and I have no, you know, ill will or or, uh, bad feelings about the childhood that I had or the life that I that I was, uh, was, was, I would say, given, but just over those decades of living and learning from them, and I still am very close to both my parents, even though I've left the Mormon church and I am now on a different path, you know, and so Praise God for that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and that's been hard right.
Speaker 2:Like you know, two of my brothers are, you know, christian and then two of my sisters are still Mormon and you work through those things in life and in families and what I can say is that for me, the amount of love and hope and light that has come into my life since I was saved is hard to fully express.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guarantee they're looking at your life and what you're doing and the faith that you have and the change that they're seeing, and they're seeing the power in that Right and there's that song like there is power in the name of Jesus, right. Like there is power in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 1:There's power in your testimony, right, and that's what that's really what all this is about. That's why we're here right now, yeah, is to share our personal testimonies and what Jesus has done in our life, right, because there's power in that. And so I love that you're going through this journey and also that your family is getting to see what a true, genuine relationship without the religion, right, but relationship, just relationship-focused can do in somebody's life, and that's amazing that the Lord's kind of using you as that vessel and you're going to impact many people's lives thousands, hundreds, thousands of people's lives, and I do want to share my testimony and how I was saved.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's get to it.
Speaker 2:Because it was. You know, I'll give a little bit of a disclaimer. It was unexpected and, like I said, it was Jesus calling for me for many, many years. And, like I said, this story, this is what happened to me. You know, my wife, this is what happened to me, my wife Janet, the love of my life. I just got married to her from our pastor, who married us in November.
Speaker 1:Congratulations so six months ago. Yeah, honeymoon phase still.
Speaker 2:It's still in the honeymoon phase, yeah, but I will tell you it's going to live forever.
Speaker 1:The honeymoon phase is never going to end.
Speaker 2:She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I, you know, I I have, uh, I have love and respect for my ex wife, um and, and we spent over eight years together and and I always especially for my children, like I always will, uh, really remember all of those years and look at those times with fondness because of who it made me. But so my journey was a little bit more than what I expected. You know, I was on this growth journey and I was, you know, was making a lot of money doing solar and basically I was investing a lot of money into my own personal growth. So I was investing money. I went to Tony Robbins' conference, which I'm a huge fan of what he does.
Speaker 1:Unleash the power within. Yeah, I went to it. Did you walk on pulse? I did. I did it multiple times. Yeah, it's the best experience Everybody should go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you really should, and you know so. I invested into growth. I was in this mastermind community as well it's called Abundant, and they're kind of doing other things now but you know so I was involved with that and I went to a number of different immersions and events and really started diving deeper into, like, who am I? And as I was doing that and figuring out my identity, my values, the things that I stand for, I really started getting to this point of like, oh wow, I think that I'm living a little bit out of alignment with who I am. And that was that double life that I was living in secret, that God knew all about and he tried to help me and he tried to save me from my sins, but I was too stubborn and too prideful to really um accept his help, and so all of this kind of was was getting more and more on the surface. And so I I, you know met Janet and um.
Speaker 2:Basically, at that time I was still Mormon and still trying to work, work through that um, but at the same time it it didn't really feel um authentic to me anymore, and you know so I started going to her church at calvary and um, as I'm going to that church, I just feel something different.
Speaker 2:I feel some of the things that were missing and I was still very hesitant and resistant. So I'm still Mormon going to this Calvary church because I feel more comfortable there than the Mormon church at that point because me and Janet were living together and you know, kind of there was a lot of there's a lot of rules, right, and I was working through a difficult phase of my life. And so we're at Calvary this was years ago and Janet was like crying next to me, listening to worship, and I kind of asked her like what's wrong? And she said I'll tell you later. And it wasn't for a while that she told me, I think maybe even a year or something like that, because I had my own conversion that I needed to go through and I had my own process of coming to Jesus that I needed to go through and I had my own process of coming to Jesus that I needed to go through. And eventually she did tell me that on that day she had a vision of seeing me on stage performing in the worship band. Wow.
Speaker 2:And at that moment it was impossible. I was still Mormon, I was still very devout in my own way, how I needed to be at that moment, and so she had this powerful vision that she shared with me later, which is actually kind of in process right now. I'm already singing with worship band and starting to do that and already working on some of my own worship music, which I'm working on an album right now like an acoustic worship album so rad and so you know there's so much that's there that you know.
Speaker 2:Janet really felt like you know I should be a worship pastor because I've been playing guitar since I was 12 years old which is.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm 35. So that's 23 years that I've been playing guitar and singing and performing and writing music. And so right now I'm like kind of getting into that and I'm actually going to be leading worship at a Christian conference, like a business conference, but they want to bring some worship in, and so that's happening a month from now Congratulations conference. Uh, like a business conference, but they, they want to bring some worship in, and so I love it, that's happening a month from now yeah, congratulations and so the vision is, is coming into focus and, um, you know, I'm, I'm.
Speaker 2:I get fired up talking about that because I just love music so much, and especially christian worship music. It just like after I was saved, I couldn't stop listening to it. I was like on repeat every day. That's the jam and I learned all of those songs, I memorized all of them because those words had meaning for me at a new level. And so, like even you know, great Are you, lord, is one of my favorite songs, even you know Great Are you.
Speaker 2:Lord is one of my favorite songs and, like I, just I want to praise him in everything that I do, in every conversation, in all of the interactions that I have. I want to praise and glorify Jesus through me as an instrument.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so Can you give us a little vocals? Give us a couple, bro. Just one little line, let's hear it. All right, let me let me think.
Speaker 2:Like any song, I'll sing one of one of my favorites that I've been working on.
Speaker 4:You call me out upon the water, the great unknown, where feet may fail. And there you find me in the something. Keep my eyes above the waves when oceans in your embrace, for I am yours and you are mine praise the lord.
Speaker 1:That's dude. You got a beautiful voice. Thank you, I love it heck, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So you put me on the spot. I had to, bro the viewers wanted it they wanted it right.
Speaker 1:What can?
Speaker 2:I say I would have I would have been more prepared and more ready. But, um, you know, I've been, I've been working on some of these songs with this worship album and it's starting to come together and you know, I've written probably about 50 or 60 songs, maybe even 100 in my life. 10 are very good. Where I have, you know, a little album that I put together, but nothing professional, and I feel like the first professional album I do is gonna be a worship album which will be coming into the world in the next year.
Speaker 1:That's awesome.
Speaker 2:And so Super exciting, yeah, you know. So, getting back to my story, I'll try to kind of give the condensed version. So I'm, you know, in this new phase of life, the last year, me and my wife, we went through therapy, we fixed things that we needed to. I went through a healing journey and, you know, we ended up getting engaged about a year ago and you know so I knew that I wanted to marry that woman and, janet, if you're listening, I love you more than anything, so grateful to be with you and that you're my wife.
Speaker 1:Um, wives somebody told me that your wife is your superpower. And ever since I was told that I'm like you're so right, that's my superpower right there, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I believe fully in true yeah, yeah, yeah, Absolutely. I believe fully in that yeah. And so we're working through everything getting ready for the wedding, and this was last year November. November 11th 2023 is when I got married in San Diego.
Speaker 1:And so you're still going to Calvary at this time, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I started going to Calvary full-time almost three years ago two and a half to three years ago and so at that point I really felt like this is the church I want to go to, this is my people and I really related with, especially the worship pastor.
Speaker 2:He actually played at our wedding. So we had a pastor from Calvary marry us and then the worship pastor led worship during our wedding. So it was a very cool experience and a very Christian wedding that was filled with praise and worship and a really, really beautiful ceremony Christian ceremony and so basically, we are going, you know, we're in the wedding phase and then, after that, some stuff started getting a little funky with my job and, without going too deep into it, it just became very apparent that it was time for me to to start doing other things and and I'm still doing solar, and I'm still going to keep doing solar, just because I've been doing that for 11 years and I I feel like I'm not quite ready for that. No, but that at that moment with uh, with that team, it, it, it was very difficult for me and, uh, it actually led to, you know, me becoming suicidal. Wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this was, this was less than six months ago. So so this is the story, um, and I was. You know, my job is so important to me and and it means so much to me and and it means so much to me that at that moment of seeing it kind of falling out of reach, pretty much like it was, it was almost like I felt like the ground was crumbling all around me. I was like, okay, what am I supposed to do with this? Where am I supposed to go? And my identity was so tied to work, achievement this job, and I made good money last year. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I felt like it was not time yet and the fact that it was happening when it was just really was hard for me. And so I started having and I'm not suicidal, but I started having some of these thoughts and I actually talked to another Christian brother of mine, tim Johnson. Shout out to Tim.
Speaker 2:Shout out Tim very inspired, and so he and I have had a lot of deep conversations the past three, four months, and so I had conversations with him about this and he explained something similar where he started having these dark thoughts, and the only way I can describe it is it was like these thoughts were just, they might have been there or quiet, but they got overwhelmingly loud and it was these very dark thoughts of just kill yourself. You know, the world doesn't need you. Um, your daughters will be fine without you like really dark shit that I didn't expect and all of that with, like, my career falling apart and just a bunch of that stuff that was so important to me just happening right when it did, which was like a couple months after the wedding this was in January and then there was a couple other layers of it that just made me feel trapped, made me feel worthless and made me feel without purpose, and I forgot my purpose at that moment, and so I was. I was planning on killing myself.
Speaker 2:It was about a week of buildup that led up to December 31st, or, sorry, january 31st, january 31st. So so the week before that in in January, I was going through this motion and going through this like feeling of you know, really starting to believe the lies, and I know for a fact that that was Satan, no, who was trying to confuse me, trying to destroy me. Yeah, literally, take me out. You know he was trying to remove me from the equation, because I know that there are some big things that God has in store that I'm supposed to help with in this world. Amen.
Speaker 2:And at that moment I couldn't even see beyond that and I got to such a dark and, you know, I'm open to share this but, like a lot of my family doesn't even know this whole story. This is, you know, a very personal experience that I just I'm not proud of, but maybe me sharing it can help people that are in it. Yes, exactly because I I was not a suicidal person, but I became suicidal for those couple weeks that was leading up to it and the voices and the thoughts became so loud it was just deafening. I just wanted to end it, yeah, to get rid of those voices were.
Speaker 2:You know, and I am a huge fan of CS Lewis, I read a lot of his books and he wrote a book called the Screwtape Letters. Yeah, it's all about this, yeah, and about the generals and the different layers of followers of you know, darkness and these demons that that's really try to destroy you. Yep, in one way or another, spiritually or physically, you know they'll. They'll destroy you through alcoholism, through numbing yourself to get you to the point where you can't even make a rational thought. Yep, um, for me it was a straight up spiritual attack where I was in the middle of this battle a full on battle for my life.
Speaker 1:Well, everyone read the Screwtape Letters. If you haven't, it's a great one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is, and I'll also mention one other book called Outwitting the Devil.
Speaker 1:Napoleon Hill. Napoleon Hill, amazing, famous book of all time Everyone has to read that outwitting the devil.
Speaker 2:It teaches all about um good and evil, light and darkness. You know it's? It's a, it's incredible book. It's an inspired book by by napoleon hill it really like reading that book.
Speaker 1:Really I was. I'm convinced, I'm still convinced, that he interviewed the devil.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I am truly convinced. Yeah, I am too.
Speaker 2:I consider Napoleon Hill almost to the level of a prophet, with his level of insight and knowledge and light. He has so much light in all of his works and I'm a huge reader. Actually, this is off topic, but I'm writing a book that will be also published next year and I'm almost done with it. But Napoleon Hill, he inspired me with a lot of what I'm doing with my book and so, anyways, the battle is real. Spiritual warfare is a real thing. It's in the Bible. Jesus casted out demons. We know it, we saw it again and again. There are stories in the Bible, in the New Testament, again and again and again, of evil spirits that were casted out through the power of Jesus.
Speaker 1:And I want to point something out for everybody too. You'd gone through Tony Robbins. You've been investing in personal development, tony Robbins. One of one of my favorite tools that that he had he had shared and given me was when you have bad thoughts or evil thoughts, or negative thoughts, you act like there's a cloud floating right and you immediately pinpoint that thought and you say whose thought is that? That is a dumb thought? And you throw it out of your mind. Right, and you actually do this. Who's thought of that? That's a dumb thought? You throw it out and then you immediately replace it with self-fulfilling positive thoughts. Right, and I'm sure you learned that and unleashed the power within.
Speaker 2:And I was trying to do that, but I was so deep in it that I couldn't even get out of the cloud.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's why I wanted wanted to refer back to it, because I'm knowing that you've gone through the personal development, health, growth, understanding, mindset, the psychology of the mind, how the mind works, um to be spiritually attacked. It doesn't matter what.
Speaker 2:The only tool you have is jesus exactly, and and I wasn't relying on him until I was saved and I'm getting to this part of the story, and so so basically, one thing I want to also add about thoughts is we know that you know Satan and his followers. They, they can, they can influence our thoughts. They can't control them. They can put them in your head and you can decide like, even even like a lustful thought, that that just comes into your head randomly. It's like you don't have to go with that, you don't have to focus on that and don't have to go layers deeper on that.
Speaker 2:But but sometimes people will just be a slave to their own thoughts where they just, they just let their thoughts run. The show thoughts where they just they just let their thoughts run. The show has, which keeps them drifting in life without purpose. Yes, because, because you have to control your thoughts, you have to if, if anything from this podcast you learn, you have to learn how to control your thoughts and how to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts amen evil thoughts with holy thoughts yeah, 100 and and so anyways, I'm and that's life.
Speaker 1:That's life. I want to dive a little bit deeper into that, because people don't talk about this and no, no.
Speaker 2:Right, and this is hard shit to talk about. By the way, the only reason I'm able to talk about it is because I've done a lot of work on vulnerability and sharing and being open and and truly living my authentic self as opposed to just. I don't have to worry about what people will think about what I say. I don't have to worry about their perception of me because I have done enough legwork and especially on the Christian side, with my relationship with Jesus that I can be very comfortable being exactly who I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, and even if someone doesn't like it, or if it offends someone like I'm, just, I'm gonna be exactly who I'm meant to be and focus on doing that with love, light, faith, hope, charity, all of the positive emotions that I can put into this. Amen, that's truth. Well, back to the positive emotions that I can put into this. Amen, that's truth.
Speaker 1:Well, back to the thoughts thing, a lot of people and that's where you know depression stems from suicide. All of that stems from the thoughts and from whether it's you know the enemy attacking you or you know a demon attacking you and, on a spiritual level, attacking your mind. You know a demon attacking you and, on a spiritual level, attacking your minds, um, or it's just you allowing certain things or other influences even music, oh yeah, music, movies and tv and anything that influence your head, you allow into your mind, is so powerful, and so it's extremely important that you protect and guard your heart and you guard your mind from certain things, and especially negative and evil things. And if you do have these thoughts, if you have bad thoughts or negative thoughts, I just want to encourage everybody to talk about it. It's okay to talk about it.
Speaker 1:We all have these crazy thoughts, like. We all get these random thoughts that pop into our mind. They're crazy, they're radical, right, you're sharing some right now, um, and it just so many people have gone through this and they think that they're the only ones. And that's what breaks my heart is they think that they're crazy. But they're not crazy, they're just human, right, and so it's really important to talk about those things, because everybody goes through it. I go through it, you go through it, you go through it, you, you, you, you, we all experience that Read the Bible, you know, replace those thoughts with God's word.
Speaker 2:And you know, like that's one thing that I did a lot of is I started replacing those thoughts with worship songs and I would just go through these songs in my head again and again and I would die deep into the lyrics and I would use those lyrics as my armor and but this was after I was saved yeah, so we're not there yet.
Speaker 1:All right, let's jump back to it.
Speaker 2:I am, I'm in the middle of it. Um, I have a timer on my uh, on my phone, for for when I'm gonna kill myself well this on january 31st and, like people, and you're engaged at this point oh married, married okay november okay, you got married november, two months after your marriage.
Speaker 1:This was like four months ago well.
Speaker 2:So I and and people that know me, they probably won't even believe this because I'm such a positive guy yeah, and I really am like I have a very positive life mission and viewpoint and like I'm, I'm, I'm a happy guy generally, but I was in the middle of a battle and the work thing was setting me over the edge and um, and I just felt like there was, I just needed to end my life. And you know, there's also financial stuff, financial pressures, all that stuff like that. Life, life, life stuff. Yeah Right, but, but all of that it was so heavy. The problem was that I was listening to the wrong voice and or I don't know, you listen to the story and you tell me what you think, because I don't know if I could have gotten here without going through what I went through, and so I have to learn the hard way. Unfortunately, that's that's how I'm wired.
Speaker 1:Some do some, some learn from others.
Speaker 2:I have learned the hard way many times.
Speaker 1:You're the older brother.
Speaker 2:So it makes sense, right? And so, anyways, it's the middle of the afternoon on that Wednesday. I didn't have my kids that night. I desperately wanted to see them that day, but it just wasn't on that day that I had them. And um, and I was in the middle of it and um, something snapped me out after the clock got under an hour, like for my countdown, and something snapped me out of it.
Speaker 2:And something snapped me out of it. I was able to just like, no, I'm not going to do that. And I told my wife that afternoon. I told her, babe, I'm not okay. You know I am having very dark thoughts and I almost took my life today and she was like no, you didn't. And I said I really did Like I'm not okay, right, this second.
Speaker 2:And she was upset and you know she's Cuban, so she can't hold things in. She is very expressive and emotional and started screaming at me and just was mad that I would even do that. But I was so deep in it that I couldn't even see the light out of where I was at. And so, anyways, that night I randomly had a session with our therapist. On the schedule I was like, okay, we're doing that, uh, because I I kind of have the sessions when I just randomly, when I need them. And it was just on that schedule that exact day, which I don't know if that isn't divinely, you know, orchestrated Cause we hadn't seen him for for months, just cause we were so busy with the wedding and honeymoon and all that stuff. Yeah, I go to bed that night after that session. The session helped. We talked through things and I was able to to kind of come to a place of feeling good and um.
Speaker 2:So that night I go to bed and I'm having just crazy dreams, dark, demonic dreams like from a horror movie and, um you know, I'm being chased and killed by this demon in my dream. Wow.
Speaker 2:And, uh, you know, the second time that I woke up, it was choking me and I couldn't even breathe physically, like like this attack, like was, was so intense that I that I literally felt afraid for my life, wow, and um, in the dream, like, and I still can imagine it and picture it, just just like I am seeing right now with my eyes.
Speaker 2:You know, I was in this house and I was hiding from this dark, black demon that was literally his entire purpose was just to kill me, and you know so, there was multiple times that I that I woke up, but the second time I was being choked in the dream and I couldn't breathe physically for probably 30 seconds. And I woke up and I was like, what is happening right now? I was sweating, I was just, I was in it, uh, middle of the night. And the third time I'm, I'm, you know, in this house and I'm hiding and, uh, and I look under the bed and this thing crawls on me and goes inside of, inside my mouth, like, like, like a black well wind or, you know, cloud or whatever.
Speaker 2:And as that's happening, I audibly and this is, as god is my witness, this is exactly how it happened I audibly say get out. And as that's happening, uh, I wake up, janet, she's laying next to me in my bed and she touches my arm and she says that it was like I had just taken a shower and laid down, wow, and the bed was soaked. And she touched my arm and she's like what is happening? And I say, babe, I'm under attack, I need you to pray for me. And I say, babe, I'm under attack, I need you to pray for me. And she starts praying for me and she puts her hand on my head and she says, in the name of Jesus Christ, any evil spirits I command. Like, in the middle of it, I don't even know what's happening to my body, I'm shaking, I am just experiencing this insane thing. And she goes and gets her cross from the wall. She calls this her miracle cross. It was her dad's cross.
Speaker 2:Her dad passed away about eight years ago. Dad's cross. Her dad passed away about eight years ago and he was a warrior, literally. He lived in Cuba, was imprisoned for trying to kill Fidel Castro. He was in prison for 18 years, and this happened to me as she put that cross on my chest. I'm holding it and she is praying for me with her hand on my head and I am actually not there. Once that cross was on my chest, it was almost like I got a glimpse into her father's life for a minute, and I saw him in prison. I saw him starved, being tortured, I saw his life, I saw his faith and his love for his daughter and I felt all of that with that cross on my chest. I kid you not. Wow.
Speaker 2:And his name is Victor. You know he passed away years ago but he, you know he has a picture on my wife's side of her bed. So I I I know what he looks like, I've seen many pictures with him and I'm holding this cross and I'm praying with all of my heart to Jesus and at that point I felt like I was being torn apart like that, I was physically being attacked. And I'm praying to this cross on my chest and Janet is praying and I look over to the left of me in the bedroom and I see an angel to the left of me in the bedroom and I see an angel and it's it's her dad and he was in that room with us and he had a hat like a general's hat on, and, um, he was an angel of light. He was light, like lighting up the whole room, and he gave me a smile and a nod and he took out a sword and he started going after those demons in that room. Wow.
Speaker 2:And I saw it with my eyes. Wow and as that was happening, I prayed to Jesus and I said Jesus, I'm so sorry for my sins, I'm so sorry for all the mistakes I have made. If you save me today, I promise I will devote the rest of my life to you. All glory be to your name, amen. And when I said that, the darkness left.
Speaker 1:That's amazing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, wow, and this cross.
Speaker 1:This happened on january 31st.
Speaker 2:That all that same day, february 1st, that morning it was, it was three, eight, it was like three am into the morning. Wow, yeah on february 1st, wow. And then I went and bought this cross later that week and it's, it's my connection to my guardian angel. And you know, the story gets even a little bit more wild where you know Janet had called her mom, who's in Florida that day.
Speaker 1:What was going on through your wife's mind at this point, and did you share that with her at that time?
Speaker 2:like I just saw, um dad or I'm sure you're in shock, you're experiencing trauma like, so one thing that I've learned about and I've talked to a couple of my christian brothers about this story only a couple, because it's a very private story, but I'm I'm fine to share it because I think God wants me to share this story because of how powerful the witness was and you know, seeing that angel and experiencing that. So, Janet, she, you know, had her hand on my head and she prayed for me and she delivered me and that is a spiritual gift, the gift of deliverance, and you know it's in the Bible again and again and she has different gifts that we've been kind of learning about and reading about in the Bible. But that moment of what happened and how God used her as an instrument to save me, you know, and I literally felt like I was at the gates of hell, literally at that moment, where I was just being torn apart until that angel came in and fought that battle for me. And you know, I've seen a couple different religious or church, you know, I would say performances Awaken Church is a church that I have a few friends at and I love that church and I go to their performances. Church that I have a few friends at, and and I love that church and I go to their performances and I've been to the last two that they've done, and and they did one around Christmas which I saw this right before this happened.
Speaker 2:So in December I went to it was called uh, I think it's called Twisted, is I? I have to look it, look it up for sure, but it's. It's the story of, like Ebenezer Scrooge, told in a Christian way. So it's like a Christmas musical, but it's like the fight over his soul and they have this really powerful visual in that musical where you see the angels and the demons both fighting over his soul and and you see it like on the stage. It's a very visual like whoa I'm, I'm seeing this right now and so I saw that before.
Speaker 2:I saw it in person in my own life in in my own life, in in my own bedroom, yeah, and, like I, I think it's a little supernatural. It's maybe a little unbelievable for people, but that's what happened to me and jesus saved me, literally saved me from the depths of hell, and I didn't understand what it meant to be saved before that day, and now, as I've talked to people about their experience of being saved, a lot of them are actually kind of similar where they were at rock bottom, they were at the you know, the place of giving up yeah and jesus saved them right when they needed him.
Speaker 1:Right on time. Right on time, so let's go back. You said that your wife had called her mom the next day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so she had called her after we had that therapy appointment and I was not okay. Right. And like that was maybe one of the worst days of my life Before it was the best day of my life and she had called her mom and said you know, mom, matt really is not okay. He really needs us to pray for him. And she prayed to God and to her husband who had passed and said Victor, you always wanted a son, please go protect our son.
Speaker 2:And it was that night that he came to me, wow, and I think that he wanted me to see him so that I could know that the angels are around me and protecting me.
Speaker 1:Amen. We're not fighting against flesh and bones, but powers and principalities, and the Bible is very clear about that. Right, yeah, it's a spiritual warfare and it's happening all around us. They're probably out here right now fighting. We can clear about that, right, yeah, it's a spiritual warfare and it's happening all around us. They're probably out here right now fighting. We can't see them, right? Oh yeah, and you're blessed to be previewed to actually seeing with your own eyes, right, and I'm sure that instilled so much additional faith in you. That is undeniable.
Speaker 2:Oh well, and it gets even deeper in you. That is undeniable. Oh well, and it gets even deeper, you know. So I, I go and visit, um, my, my mother-in-law. I go and visit janet's mom, uh, in florida.
Speaker 2:This was over easter and, uh, we were in florida for a while and in um, you know, in florida we were talking a little bit about it and, like she know, she knew a little bit about it and like she knew a little bit about the story.
Speaker 2:But she hadn't heard me tell the story and I told her that. And when I told her that part of the story with the sword, janet's mom says, you know that he had a sword in his car, right, that he carried, he kept with him in his car A full-on sword, and like the fact that I saw that and I didn't even know about that until after it, just it just was so much more like knowledge behind what had happened. And you know, I believe in angels, I believe in spirits, I believe that our ancestors are around us in one way or another. I believe that there are spirits, both good and bad, on this earth that are both guiding and distracting us, both leading us to God and trying with all of their might to drag us to the pits of hell and me experiencing the spiritual warfare in this way to have this moment happen. And you know I actually I got this tattoo a couple days after I was saved. I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. I love it.
Speaker 2:And I got that tattoo after I was saved to anchor what had just happened to me and it's not quite done. I'm going to put some star or you know like kind of like sun beams, like lights, you know, around it, and then I'm going to do a little bit more with that.
Speaker 1:Throw a little sword in there A little sword and a cross yeah.
Speaker 2:So I just you know this is a very special cross to me and you know I got one for both me and my wife. So we bought our crosses on the same day and I never thought that I would wear a cross. I'm not going to lie, because in the Mormon church they don't wear crosses, you know. They think more of the living Christ and it's funny. I talked to my worship pastor about this After I bought this cross. I was playing music with him and he looked at it and he said, hey, can I see that? I said sure. And so he looks at it and he said, hey, can I see that? I said sure. And so he looks at it and he says, yeah, do you see how it's open in the back? And I was like, what does that mean? And he says it's open because Jesus is risen. And you know.
Speaker 2:So I kind of have the best of what I grew up with and also my new Christian faith, where, you know, Mormons believe in the living Christ and that's why they don't, you know, have crosses in their home or whatnot, because they believe that he was risen, that he leads the church. And with this, you know, with an open cross. It's the cross that he died on, but it's open because he was risen and it's open because it no longer has Jesus on it, Like he overcame the cross when he died for our sins.
Speaker 1:Amen, I wear a cross too. It's a constant reminder. It's not something that I would say like I idolize, but it is no, it's a reminder it is a consistent reminder, um, and I can truly say that there's been many times where I just grab it right here and that that's, that's enough you know, and I just, you know, I just begin to pray.
Speaker 1:So, um, I love that, I love, I love the story, and that's really where it all happened. It happened on the cross, it did, and so, having that consistent reminder, however you want, right, some people like it, some don't, it doesn't really matter at the end of the day, Like I said, I had a very strong opinion about crosses before I was saved when I was becoming Christian and going through all of you know the steps of learning this new faith and really embracing the Bible at a different level.
Speaker 2:And as that was happening, I still was like Janet thought that I was weird with the cross. She was like, why don't you like the cross? Like I don't understand it. And I was like like it's not that, it's just different from how I was raised. But her cross, you know, her miracle cross, that was her dad's. Um, when, when that was on my chest, I I literally had an experience and and there's power in that, and and I do believe that certain objects have power, and I saw his faith.
Speaker 2:I you know he would have been my father-in-law if he wouldn't have passed away years ago. He's still your father-in-law. He's still my father-in-law, and he's still showing me that he's here. Yeah, and you know that he's protecting me and my wife and our family. Yeah, and you know, I'm actually writing a worship song right now. It's called Army of Angels and it's all about how we each have an army of angels that is there to protect and support us and even if it's unseen, even if we don't know about those angels there.
Speaker 1:we do have support don't know about those angels there. We do have support and God will not abandon us. He is there for us, amen. And it's like there's so much we don't know, like our little minds can't comprehend. But to have an angel there and to have a familiar face too at that level and I don't know what the capabilities of angels are Like none of do we have like a little glimpse of God that we probably won't ever fully understand but God knows how it all works together, and so he can be the one who's in charge of all of it.
Speaker 2:And God has helpers he really does, and some of these are people.
Speaker 1:The Bible talks all about it and they. They come in different ways, shapes and forms um, just like you said, people sometimes people, sometimes it's spirits or angels. Yeah, yeah, 100. Yeah, that's amazing. That is a. That's a very powerful testimony right there it was.
Speaker 2:It was, uh life-changing and and so since then, everything that I do is is for the glory of God. I love it so now.
Speaker 1:Now what? Now you have an experience at this level. Um, you're on fire for the Lord. I saw that. I mean I must've met you just maybe a couple months after, after that experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was probably.
Speaker 1:I think in March that we met.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I love it. So you're on fire for the Lord. Now. Now what, matt? What's next? Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:I, I think that God has some big plans and I'm just wanting to to listen to his guidance and what he wants for my life, and I do believe that, you know, part of what I'm supposed to do is share my testimony, and also through music, and so I'm very excited to be leading worship at this event and then I'm going to be, you know, working with my worship pastor as well. To fit that into the schedule. I'm still in the process with my church, but I think that down the road, I've got a vision of. One of the things that I'm doing is I'm working with a group investment group that builds retreat centers, mainly like leadership retreats, but we will have a lot of faith-based retreats that we're working with as well, and I see that being a lot of. Where I put my energy in the next 10 to 20 years is on building these sanctuaries in nature where people can reconnect to themselves, while they reconnect to God and to, uh, you know, to God's beauty and in nature, and so we've already got a couple of these retreat centers, and one of them will be in Costa Rica.
Speaker 2:Um, and so you know, I, I had this, this whole vision of, uh, you know, leading this was like a couple months ago, but I it was like a couple months ago, but it was like a vision of leading a big worship group in Costa Rica, like Telos, costa Rica, and leading worship and praising and singing and playing guitar, very open to, to god's plan right now. Even the last 90 days has been very different from my plan, which I am starting to surrender my plans to god help and uh and say god, just guide me. You know, um, I know that you have all power and that you are. You are merciful as well as all knowing, and I'm going to trust you. You know, it's just like in the Bible trust not on your own or lean not under, lean not onto your own understanding, but trust in the Lord.
Speaker 1:And all your ways acknowledge him. Yep A hundred percent, and that's it.
Speaker 2:What I'm really trying to do is live by that scripture and truly trust him and acknowledge him and everything that I do, and glorify his name and his glory with, uh, with everything that that is happening right now in my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that's great. We, uh, me, me and my wife, my, my daughters too Um, we always sing. I will be content in every circumstance. Gyra, you are enough, and that's just a constant reminder. And you talked about having scripture, right, um, or having worship songs that you really like turn to and lean to. Um, we're big on that, like I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm so big on just leaning into god because, at the end of the day, like we're just stewards, none of this is ours, right, like this isn't realized, not my company, there's. None of this equipment is mine, not, these aren't even my pants. Like, I've just been blessed with the ability to. It's a gift. I'm here to steward what I've been given. But a pastor gave me a great message years ago and the whole theme of it is life's like a game of Monopoly. It all goes back in the box and so we don't get to take anything with us and we're just here to steward the gifts that God has given us, whether it's relationships or our children, or companies and businesses, or a church, or whatever your gifts are that the Lord has given you to steward. It's just stewardship. And so, having that stewardship mentality, which I love, that you have that stewardship mentality and you're really just entrusting with God.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, and it's like I've had a lot and I've had a little and I've had everything in between and, honestly, at this point I could, you know, sell all my possessions, my cars and, you know, guitars. I don't want to sell it.
Speaker 1:So you got to live out the Job story. We'll do it.
Speaker 2:I can get rid of everything and and be totally just fine at this point.
Speaker 2:Point because I feel like God he needed to break me down through what happened with releasing my attachment to money and career, job and making money and become obsessed about it. And you know, God says that he doesn't want us to be worshiping any idols and you know, I think that I was so obsessed with money and achieving and then, once I got to that level of achievement, I was like, oh, I'm not even filled. Yeah, exactly, I want to share. Um, this is kind of similar to the monopoly analogy. But one of my friends, uh, sam, he, he explained this uh to me at at, at a time where you know it's like we're all just building our sandcastle, okay, and so you know, you're on the beach and you can build a little tiny sandcastle, that's just kind of like a little tiny thing and that's fine. And some people will build like a huge sandcastle and they got like all the shovels and all the foxes and you know, and and and that's fine.
Speaker 2:God wants us to be abundant. I truly believe that and a lot of the stories and parables in the Bible support that. The parable of the talents, like he wants us to multiply our gifts and to multiply our money, our wealth, our influence, everything. God is a God of abundance and there's more than enough for everyone. And so, like, having an abundant mindset I think is so important, yeah, so like for me, with my sandcastle, like I'm going to build it as cool and as big as I want, but it's not about that, because at the end of the day, the beach and the waves, they wash it all away and our life is, is our sandcastle Right?
Speaker 2:And? And you might have to build multiple sandcastles again and again, some big, some small, but it doesn't really matter because at the end of the day, you know this life is not about the things and the material, and you know whatever it is like. And for me, like, I even have a couple very, very nice cars, and you know it's not about that anymore for me like, for me, I want to glorify god amen and um so.
Speaker 2:So you asked what's next. So I do have a book that is going to be coming out. Uh, I am 80 plus percent done with it. Let's go. Need to finish the manuscript, but there's about.
Speaker 1:What's the book about?
Speaker 2:Oh, the book is all about dreams and how to create your dream life, you know, and and really how to turn your dreams into reality. You know, I had this big dream in my life to travel to 100 countries. Big dream in my life to travel to 100 countries. I've already been to 46 countries Nice, 47. Now Halfway there, halfway there 47 countries at 35 years old. But that was like that was also a little bit of an obsession of mine. So I'm learning how to dial things back into like having a more abundant, aligned life, yeah, where it's not so much about me or about achievement or whatever, but it can be more about a bigger picture. And so this book is all about, like how to turn your dreams into reality. Um, and, you know, there's a lot of Christian uh stories and ideas and thoughts in there as well that I think will really resonate with people, and that worship album. I'm going to be working on that. Let's go. I'll keep you posted as that is coming into the world.
Speaker 1:I'm super excited to hear that, and the truth is, god wants to partner with us in our dreams and our goals. Right, god wants to partner with us, and I think people mistake that. They think that we can't have these goals and dreams and these large visions of what we want in life. God's a creator and he created us to be creators.
Speaker 2:Right, and the world is is abundant with resources and the creations that we can make. You just have to create it first in your mind before it comes into reality, and you know so. So I think that people will like the book. Um, I'm still in the process of it, but I thought that I would be publishing it this year, but I'm committed to next year publishing. I think that that's going to be better on the timing side. Awesome. But yeah, you know. So there's a lot of fun stuff coming, but I'm super stoked that we were able to have this conversation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I appreciate you.
Speaker 2:To share about this experience that really made a huge impact on my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, thank you for coming in and sharing. I know the viewers are definitely going to be highly encouraged by your story, hopefully.
Speaker 2:My goal is to be giving a message of hope and healing and you know, just like, at this point, I feel more aligned with Jesus than I ever have. That's amazing. And for people that are still trying to have a relationship with Jesus, just start, you know, just start. Just start reading his word, just start praying and and asking for guidance and asking for you know, his, his hand in your life, cause he is the way and and he will help you with the way of your life and where you're headed.
Speaker 1:Amen. I am the way, the truth and the life. Nobody comes to the Father except through me, and so it's important that we know that, and my favorite verse is 1 Corinthians 13, 13. And now these three remain faith, hope and love, the greatest of these being love, and that's what it's all about. Like you said at the beginning of the podcast, you know it's all about love, so appreciate you sharing your story. Is there any last words that you want to you want to share? I?
Speaker 2:feel very, very happy with how. I was a little nervous because my story was, as you could see, a pretty impactful, you know kind of intense experience. As you could see, a pretty impactful, you know kind of intense experience but I'm really, really happy that I was able to share it and I think it's going to give a lot of people hope and that anyone that wants to reach out to me feel free. You know I'm very open to hearing from people and where can we find?
Speaker 2:you. You can find me on Facebook or Instagram, you know. On Facebook, just Matt Crowther. On Instagram, yeah. If on Facebook, just Matt Crowther. On Instagram, yeah, if you just search for Matt Crowther, you'll see a picture of me and my wife and then you know I'm really a coach. Right now I'm doing a lot of life coaching and just still doing a lot with solar. But really like, if people feel like they resonate with any of this, feel free to reach out and we could talk about coaching. But you know, I've I've had three life coaches the past seven years. That have all been a huge part of my life, uh, and and so that's partly why I got into coaching and started doing a little bit more with this coaching business that me and my wife started.
Speaker 1:I love it. Yeah, no, coaching is huge. Having good mentors, and especially on a spiritual level, is game changing. So right on, matt. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you, guys for tuning in the Fueling Faith podcast. Make sure to tune in on the next episode.
